football modifier.

Chapter 445 The Strong Rise of Newcastle's '2 Big Parallel Imports' (1)

Chapter 445 The Strong Rise of Newcastle's 'Two Big Parallel Imports' ([-])

Crazy Lee is back!

Under the [-]/[-] monitoring of England's pervasive great super paparazzi system, Mensao Man's right foot hadn't even had time to step out of London International Airport, and almost all England fans knew the news...

On Li Tongfan's return to Newcastle, thousands of paparazzi followed him all the way, like the endless zombie siege in Resident Evil, all over the railways and highways where Madman Li might appear, monitoring and reporting every bit of Madman Li's return anytime, anywhere, all the time—

"...The Sun reported mysteriously for you: At 10:15 in the morning, Crazy Lee sneaked out of London Airport alone in disguise, and met Alan Shearer who had been waiting at the airport for a long time..."

"...Here is the Exclusive Disclosure from the Observer: At 12:24 noon, Crazy Lee and Hiller had dinner at a motel near the No. 3 gas station in Merdesey. Crazy Lee ate three deep-fried onion rings with high fat content..."

"...According to an urgent report from a reporter from The Times: Crazy Lee did not make eye contact with Alan Shearer when he got into the car. The relationship between the former Newcastle's 'best partner' seems to have broken down..."

"...Mirror Secret Report: At 13:55 p.m., Crazy Li got out of the car and urinated against the wind on the side of the highway..."

"..."

The news about Li Tongfan's return to Newcastle is like a lively stage play that is being broadcast live by global satellite. Everything on the way, big or small, is vividly displayed in front of many gossip men and women and some people with ulterior motives...

If Lao Li knew that even the glorious deed of him getting out of the car to pee secretly made the headlines of the "Sun" website, and was rushed to be reproduced by many influential media, it is estimated that this guy would be scared like the gay aunt Zhou Botong in "Evil, West Poison", and shrank his boo boo back...

The mighty and continuous broadcast has been following Li Tongfan's car into Newcastle.

Finally, at 14:30 in the afternoon, Li Tongfan and his entourage entered the Rigburton training base at lightning speed. The dedicated gatekeeper, Old Xiao En, showed his power and blocked all the paparazzi from the barbed wire fence. Only then did Lao Li avoid the human tragedy that Hush continued to be exposed...

……

And in the next three days, the reports about Crazy Li suddenly disappeared.

Since Crazy Li entered Newcastle's training base, the reporters tried their best to sneak into the base by posing as lawnmowers, collecting heating bills, collecting gas bills, etc., but they failed to catch any clues about Crazy Li...

Compared with the vigorous reports that followed all the way three days ago, the lunatic Li in these three days was like a loud fart that was thrown into the wind by an unknown homeless man.

Crazy Li... What the hell are these guys doing in abundance?

Thinking with lingering fears about the various "human tragedies" that this Chinese lunatic had created in various stadiums before, many people in Europa Continent raised such questions.

"...Manchester United is number one in the standings. No one can take away the glory of the Red Devils. The final trophy belongs to Old Trafford. There is no doubt about it!"

Uncle Ferguson's speech on the official website seemed to be full of confidence, but after careful consideration, it seemed a bit lacking in confidence.

Everyone in the five major leagues knows that the invincible Ferguson has never defeated Crazy Lee's team, whether at home or away.

"...Crazy Lee is back, so the 'troubled times' of the Premier League are coming to an end, as the tyrant from China is about to restore his iron-blooded rule in Great Britain!"

This is a comment made by England's traditional football TV program "One Week Green".

Wenger said: "Arsenal still have a chance, but the arrival of Madman Lee puts me and the players under pressure..."

Benitez said: "I ended Newcastle's complete victory. It's a pity that Madman Li was not there at that time. Now, maybe we will have the opportunity to meet again in the League Cup final. Liverpool and I are excited about the next meeting..."

Hiddink said: "The reason why I chose to coach Chelsea temporarily is because here I can have a direct dialogue with the best coaches in the world. Now that he is back, I can't wait..."

"Moyes said: '…'

Almost everyone related to football, in the last 72 hours, will be asked countless times by reporters about the return of Madman Li. For a while, in the football world, it seems that only being asked this question is a symbol of status and honor, while those who are not asked by reporters seem extremely disappointed...

However, no matter how people discuss it, no matter what happens outside, in these three days at home, the lunatic Li Lian didn't even show his hair, and has been 'diving'...

And in many cases, the more mysterious things are done, the more they can attract people's attention.The fans in the media are curious about the "evaporation" of Madman Li, and those opponents who will face Newcastle in the next game are more frightened because of the unknown...

"Really, my life is so miserable... Really so miserable!"

Uncle Van Basten, the head coach of Ajax and the Dutch version of "Xianglin's Wife", touched his new skin and burst into tears: "God, why did you let that damned lunatic not come back sooner or later but come back at this time...My Champions League quarter-finals, my Ajax revival plan...everything is suspended!! 8, no, I want to protest, I want to protest the UEFA schedule!!"

Of course, not all people are as afraid of mensao men as Fan-"Sister Xianglin", there are also those who sacrifice their lives for righteousness and are not afraid of death——

"...Wahhahaha, Madman Lee is finally back... Hahaha, it's time to come back. I can finally prove to the world at St. James that West Bromwich Albion is the team that attracts the world's attention and can beat Madman Lee. In the second round of the English League Cup semi-final a day later, I will make that sensational madman kneel shyly in front of my Tony Mobley's Wilder handmade trousers, and sing 'Conquer' with all sincerity! Hahahaha..."

……

Rigburton Training Base.

Sitting in the largest tactical room at the base, the Hammers watched the West Bromwich Albion head coach jumping up and down sending out the challenge letter on the TV, and all of them cast their eyes on the same corner...

"Damn, this bastard, it's fucking upside down..." Li Tongfan was gnashing his teeth and roaring: "I've always teased others, but today someone teased me... If I can't kill you, I won't call you Crazy Li anymore!"

The Hammers of the first team were sweating profusely. Seeing that the irritated leader was on the verge of going berserk, they made a false sign of the cross on their chests, and began to gloat and pray for Tony Mobley, who was smiling triumphantly on the screen...

……

……

three days later.

St James' Park.

"...The game is about to start. Newcastle must score 10 goals in the next 3 minutes to ensure that they can enter the English League Cup final, because they lost to their opponents West Bromwich Albion 0:2 in the first round!"

In the commentary booth of St. James, unlike the previous games, Sester acted as if he had taken a "little blue pill" today: "However, I believe that three goals will not be difficult for the Magpies, because their invincible coach Crazy Lee has returned to the command seat..."

Yes, when the sullen and lewd black figure finally appeared in front of the home team's coaching bench, the more than 60000 Newcastle fans in the stands were like old virgins who had been hungry for thousands of years, and they all raised their necks and screamed excitedly...

"...55555, we are so excited, Mr. God, you are finally back!!"

"WIN! WIN!! WE NEED WIN!! WE CAN'T WAIT..."

"Lee, let the goddamn Mobley, kneel under your Armani trench coat and lick your toes!!! Don't hold back, insult him hard... woohoo!!"

"..."

It wasn't until this time that West Bromovich's head coach Tony Mobley discovered that the atmosphere in St. James today seemed to be different from the past, not very good——

In the stands of St. James' Park Stadium, which can accommodate more than 60000 people, 90.00% of the people at 5000% are Newcastle fans, and those more than [-] brave West Brom fans who followed him from afar in the morning did not know where they died at this time...

At this moment, there were only less than 100 West Bromwich Albion fans in the stands of St. James, and they were trembling under the fierce "eye rape" of the opponent, and they dared not even fart loudly over 20 decibels, let alone put out some heart-warming banners and slogans...

"Aww, these fucking cowards!!!"

Tony Mobley could only swear and express his disappointment.

But how did he know that the more than 5000 cheering corps he brought didn't want to come, but they couldn't come at all. At this moment, more than 5000 people are still blocking the streets in downtown Newcastle...

……

……

"Damn, what the hell is going on with you, get out of the way, we have to go to the game!!"

On Rose Avenue, a convoy of more than 600 West Bromwich Albion fans was blocked less than 1000 meters away from St. James' Park, like a python nailed seven inches deep, no matter how hard it struggled, it couldn't get through...

"Wow, get out of the way? How? I said, do you have any fucking humanity? I didn't see a car accident in front of me. If you don't believe me, look for yourself. The blood is like the tap water that doesn't cost money..."

On the opposite side of the West Bromwich Albion fans, a big bald man from Newcastle glared at him without showing any weakness, his eyes were burning with the 'fire of justice', and the West Bromwich Albion people turned their heads... Then, he turned carefully and asked the young people beside him in a low voice: "Hey, Newton, do you think our method will work?"

The bus driver John Newton slapped his chest loudly: "No problem, David, don't worry... We have blocked the four main roads leading to the stadium. There are car accidents, pregnant women who have miscarriages, middle school students who fight in groups, some who run naked, some hang themselves, some beat children, and some sell Lao Tzu... Hey, there are all kinds of accidents. Take care of these West Brom bastards, and don't even think about entering the stadium for that damn clown Tony Mobley. Cheer..."

"Hero, my admiration for you is like a torrent of rain... Please accept me as a disciple!" The bald head stared at John Newton, who was so lewd and laughing, and suddenly felt an urge to worship, but at this moment...

In the distance, in the St. James Stadium, which looks like a white palace, there is a burst of earth-shattering cheers that go straight to the sky...

"Damn it, the game has started!"

John Newton waved his hand triumphantly: "The task is completed, let's call it a day... Quick, let's retreat, hurry to the bar to watch the game..."

At this moment, the West Bromwich Albion fans who came from afar were surprised to find that the road that was originally blocked like a can of sardines suddenly became clear, and those Newcastle people who had car accidents, gave birth, and fought, all disappeared...

However, at this time, they could no longer squeeze into the stadium.

……

……

force--

Michael Owen knocked the football back to Alan Smith behind him, and cheers erupted from the stands, like a thunderstorm on the ground, coming from behind, startling Tony Mobley, who was standing on the edge of the command seat, staggered, and almost fell down in embarrassment in a "dog eating shit" posture that was standard enough to be included in textbooks...

Mobley was shocked to find that today's St. James suddenly became like a violent Atlantic Ocean, with rough seas, lightning, thunder and thunder, and I don't know how many times more dangerous than the previous days...

"Could it be that Crazy Li still has the effect of a stimulant?"

Tony Mobley's heart suddenly felt like fifteen buckets of water-he was up and down.

But then I thought again: Hehe, I’m not afraid even if it’s a stimulant. Newcastle’s recent decline is even faster than Wall Street’s stock market. Even an opponent like Norwich can play 0:0 in St. James.

Thinking of this, Tony Mobley immediately felt complacent. He glanced at the opponent's bench not far from his right hand, and cast a few provocative winks, feeling very flattered...

"...Three minutes into the game, Newcastle had an absolute advantage on the field, but it wasn't because of how crazy their offensive was, but because West Bromwich Albion took the initiative to retreat, set up the legendary 3-10-0 iron barrel formation, and defended their penalty area tightly..."

The narrator Sester bought a pass.

Then, with the most shameless and obscene emphasis, he continued with a strange smile: "Tony Morion swore before the game that he would beat Crazy Lee. Now it seems that his so-called method is to use the iron barrel formation, hoping to rely on strict defense and the advantage of two home balls in the first round to force a place in the final... Hehe, the iron barrel formation is indeed a worldwide problem, but as far as I know, even many world-class coaches are very difficult to use the iron barrel formation when facing Madman Lee. Look...wahahahaha! I bet Mobley is going to die ugly..."

The newlywed and old partner Gary Lineker was sweating profusely, and secretly poked Sester who was in a state of inexplicable excitement: "Hey, pay attention to the commentator's position!"

"Damn, as the most loyal fan of Madman Lee, I've long been annoyed at that damned Mobley, what a position!" Sester blurted out without thinking.

Lineker: "..."

……

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AL!!!!"

In the 18th minute of the game, Sester, who had been waiting for a long time, finally got his chance and yelled heartily: "Goal la la la la la! Finally a goal! Oh oh oh oh oh, West Bromwich Albion broke down in less than 8 minutes..."

"...Wow, it's Michael Owen again. Every time the team wants to score a goal, Irving will always stand up. He has become another banner figure of St. James after Alan Shearer"

"...This time, Owen, who is 1.7 meters tall, overwhelmed the 1.8 meters nine central defender Leon Bryant, and unbelievably put Juan Mata's corner kick into the goal... It seems that as long as Madman Lee stands on the sidelines, Newcastle is invincible!!!"

Courtside, Tony Mobb is earthy inside.

Seeing Michael Owen celebrating the goal in a glider pose on the field, he felt like going back to his mother's womb to "reinvent". If the guardrail of the coach's bench was not high enough, Mobley really wanted to pull off his belt and hang himself on the sidelines...

"Hey, what the hell is going on?"

Why did I rehearse the "Iron Locked Hengjiang Defense Array" for 2 weeks so vulnerable?

You must know that Mobley has worked hard for this semi-final.Prior to this, West Bromwich Albion had used such a 10-0-0 tactic for three consecutive Premier League games. Even before the away games against Tottenham Hotspur and Aston Villa who were in good condition, they had steadily sent Martin O'Neill and Juande Ramos a big duck...

"...Why doesn't the mysterious stunt I learned from the mysterious ancient oriental country work?" Mobley couldn't understand.

"Defense!! Hold it up... Hold it up!!"

The ashen-faced Tony Mobley looked like a Mexican long-haired rabbit whose tail was stepped on, and shouted hysterically with red eyes: "Hold me, ah, we still have a ball advantage, and the final victory is ours!"

Before the words fell, a large pile of water bottles, fruit cores and rotten eggs flew down from the stands like fire meteors, and there was a horrific scream in front of the West Bromwich Albion coaching bench: Ah, enemy attack... help~~~~~

Li Tongfan almost choked to death when he saw this scene: Damn, Mr. Tony, you are so miserable, so miserable...

However, after Li Tongfan expressed a little sympathy, he immediately turned his face and rushed to the sidelines mercilessly, gesturing again and again——

attack!

Attack me hard!

Such a familiar and obscene offensive gesture is the unique signature technique of Madman Li's changing tactics.

Such a familiar gesture made the hammers on the field boil with blood. They kicked the ball one by one as if they were fighting for their lives. If it was a rugby game on the field now, the opponent would probably disappear on Mars even with the ball...

But today there are people who are more blood-boiling than the Hammers, and that is the fans in the stands.

"...La la la, there is only one lunatic in the world, and you are our idiot... You are full of courage... You are invincible... Go forward! The madman who brought us victory! Go ahead!! Victory idiot from China!"

The fans in the stands are singing this song with the spirit of making love for the first time.

Although he used to listen to this song dozens of times every game day, which made Lao Li's ears callused, but when he heard this song again in St. James's every other month, Li Tongfan suddenly had a feeling of orgasm...

At this moment, the situation on the field changed suddenly——

Juan Mata sprinted on the right side of the pitch, and Arshavin sprinted down the left side like a lightning bolt. While running, he held up his cheating ball high and shouted for the ball: "Pass, pass, pass, this, this, this..."

And [Tsar] Juan Mata, who is "a little confused", replied with a wink, stepped forward with a strong pass, and then made a POSE with a big foot shift...

"Quick, left! Watch out for the left!"

Tony Mobley screamed miserably as if someone had stabbed his ass.The defenders of West Bromwich Albion didn't dare to neglect in the slightest, and immediately assigned two people to defend Arshavin...

However, who would have thought that such an honest kid like Mata would learn badly after following Madman Lee for a long time. He actually just made a false move to tease the West Bromwich Albion defenders out of their wits, when he suddenly rushed under his feet, and an extremely coquettish man disappeared in front of the West Bromwich Albion defender Karl...

"Idiot, chase after me!!"

Seeing that Mata had rushed to his own hinterland, while Carl was still looking around for someone stupidly, Tony Mobley, who was standing on the sidelines, was almost incontinent...

"Chase?"

How can it be?Juan Mata will tell you what it means to be too late.

West Bromwich Albion full-back Karl had just had time to turn around. Mata was already stepping on a Harley motorcycle with a goal to the bottom, roaring into the penalty area, facing the panicked opponent defenders swarming, Mata did not choose to pass the ball, but cut in horizontally and continuously faked shots...

"Once... twice... three times..."

The whole St. James is arrogantly counting the number of feints...

Finally, when he shot for the fourth time, Mata calmly completed the 'cruise' from the right side of the West Bromwich Albion penalty area to the left side like a general reviewing troops, and then shot without hesitation...

Whoosh!

A lob shot like a flying fairy! !

The curved trajectory was like a deadly rope swinging in the moonlight, strangling West Bromwich Albion's last chance of luck...

"G——O——A——L~~~~~~~2:0, from Juan Mata's personal performance, Spain [Angel Wings] is a magician on the football field, he defeated all opponents alone!!!"

"...Although Mata's performance in the previous rounds was not satisfactory, and his eponymous winger Cristiano Ronaldo in the Premier League is replicating the miracle of 42 goals last season, but at the critical moment, Madman Lee came back, and Juan Mata's unparalleled competitive state came back with him!! Cristiano Ronaldo needs to pay attention, because his opponent is back!!"

sidelines.

Tony Mobley was heartbroken.

As soon as the goal was scored, the total score of the two teams became 2:2, and the last advantage of West Bromwich Albion had disappeared.

Moreover, this is also the home ground of the Magpies. Looking at the wolves of Newcastle fans in the stands, Mobley felt that he was a pure little virgin who stumbled into the bandit's den.

So, Mobley was about to pull out his belt and hang himself on the railing of the commander's seat, so as not to be punished, but at this time he found out in despair that he was wearing sweatpants without a belt...

"...West Bromwich Albion coach Tony Mobley unbuttoned his waistband anxiously on the sidelines. Is this his unique way of releasing pressure? Hahaha, this is big news... Before the game he vowed to have Madman Lee bow down and sing 'Conquer' under his trousers.

[British traitor] Sester tried his best to be sarcastic.

Fortunately, he is not the live commentator, and no matter what happens, Mobley will not be able to hear him for the time being.

Otherwise, Mobley, who was dying of shame, would have to take off his sweatpants and twist them as a rope to hang himself...

Time passed quickly in rage and astonishment.

The first half of the game ended quickly, Newcastle relied on the goals of Owen and Mata to easily take a 2-0 lead, and Tony Mobley's well-organized "Iron Locked Hengjiang Defense Team" was like a group of monkeys trying to fish out the moon from the water, becoming a poor laughing stock...

In the 15 minutes of the intermission, the cheers of St. James resounded through the sky.

At this time, no one will doubt whether Newcastle can enter the final of the League Cup, because Madman Lee will solve all doubts and shred all difficulties for them.

The hearts of all the 'magpies' have already flown to Wembley Stadium.They were imagining the glorious moment when the Magpies defeated their opponents in the final, finally lifted the League Cup trophy and won the first championship in the 08-09 season!

And the one who will bring them all this is the greatest coach in the history of the club, bar none.

The people of Newcastle have long been accustomed to the thrill of the Chinese coming down from the sky at the most critical moment to turn the tide. They ushered in the second half of the game singing loudly!

However, no one expected that at the beginning of the second half, Li Tongfan made substitutions and adjustments.

There was an uproar!

Because assistant coach Alan Shearer made the exact same substitution not long ago, and at that time, that substitution brought about a shameful defeat——

Andrei Shevchenko replaces Michael Owen!

Felipe Senderos replaces Steven Taylor!

……

"Wahhahahaha, it's a substitution, it turned out to be such a substitution, Wahaha, I don't need to hang myself...there is hope..."

A lewd laugh came.

The moment West Bromwich Albion coach Tony Mobley saw the electronic notice board for substitutions played by the fourth official on the sidelines, he was as excited as if he suddenly saw a prostitute with a 'Viagra' in front of him at a decadent moment of incompetence, his eyes glowed red with excitement!

He rushed to the sidelines and made tactical arrangements excitedly.

"...Hey, hey, look this way, listen to me...Poliga, Brent, you two give me the full back position of Newcastle, yes, that Swiss white pig...and, that old Ukrainian who lost all his teeth, hey, Olsen, you can handle him alone! Haha..."

Tony Mobley jumps up and down the sideline.

"MLGBD," both Shevchenko and Senderos could understand English, gritted their teeth and thought to themselves, "I'll let you break it, let you do it, I can't kill you!"

……

……

"What the hell is going on here?"

Five minutes later, when Tony Mobley watched the football being sent to his goal by Crespo again, he felt that there must be smoke on his ancestral grave, but it was not green smoke, but black smoke that was unlucky...

Round and round and round and round, Newcastle scored a goal every time they took a risk!

3: 0!

"It's over! It's over..."

West Bromwich Albion manager Tony Mobley is heartbroken.

He was about to take off his sweatpants and hang himself on the guardrail of the conductor's seat, but at this moment, bursts of monkey-like laughter suddenly came from the St. James stands, and all of them poured into his ears like needles...

In an instant, Mobley's anger rose from his heart, and the evil turned to his gallbladder.

He felt like a dog, a dog that had been cornered. Since there was no way out, he had to bark his sharp teeth. Even if his spine and dog legs were still broken in the end, he would still leave his teeth marks on his opponent...

So, Tony Mobley pointed at Senderos and yelled: "Attack, attack, attack!! Kill him suddenly, kill him suddenly..."

Just at this time, Shevchenko flew past Mobley, and Mobley, who was in a semi-crazed state, was immediately stimulated again: "Prevent him, prevent him from death ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

On the one hand, West Bromwich Albion's assistant coach Romon couldn't stand it any longer. He found a shoe to cover his face, stepped back from the seat, and dragged the frightened Tony Mobley back!

And the West Bromwich Albion players on the field began to strictly implement the tactical instructions issued by the head coach in a state of madness...

"...Morrison got the football, he dribbled the ball and avoided Manzienni's defensive area...He rushed towards Senderos like a rampaging tank, and he smiled very proudly, because he knew that Senderos, who had just played, was the weakness of Newcastle's defensive system..."

"...He's making fake moves...to the left?...to the right? Dazzling movements... oh, it's about to be a direct confrontation...Manzienni retreated, and he has already started to prepare the 'colander' Senderos to fill in as usual..."

"...Morrison's eyes are full of murderous intent... we are about to meet... stepping on a bicycle... ouch. He was cut off, he was cut off...Is it Senderos? Really Senderos? This is incredible, Morrison was easily broken by Senderos like he was bullying an underage child!!"

Buzz!

Seeing Senderos wearing his red underwear outside, suddenly transformed into 'the world's number one central defender Nesta' like Superman, using a standard cross-body card that can be loaded in textbooks to pull the ball off Morrison's feet, even the Newcastle fans were stunned...

"Oh, God, you didn't drink too much shit today, did you?"

Many people asked this question. According to Senderos' previous poor state, how could he make such a coquettish block, such a coquettish interception, and such an extremely precise pass... Hey, what's the matter with this pass?

The Newcastle fans were about to burst into cheers, and before they could shout out, they saw Senderos suddenly revealing his true colors like a leaky balloon after a flamboyant steal.

Because Senderos passed the ball to West Bromwich Albion left-winger Chris Brent...

"A mistake... Senderos made a mistake!" Sester yelled regretfully.

"Wahhahahaha... made a mistake, wooha, he made a mistake... Did you see that big fat guy like a white pig made a mistake! Chu Chu suddenly killed him..."

Tony Mobley, who had attempted suicide by hanging himself in sweatpants, looked at the scene on the court and let out a sinister and lewd laugh with his neck raised.

He didn't notice at all that the people around him were covering his face in shame.

Tony Mobley rushed to the big man like a client who took Viagra: "Rush up, insert it for me, yes, yes, insert it from there..."

-

9000 wordsChapter 1.

(End of this chapter)